Yelling, screaming, name calling, hitting, tantrums, banging doors, breaking things – these are all signs of blowing a quick fuse. Are we speaking of kids or adults? Bad temper is common to both children and adults and is a raging epidemic today. These are signs of poor self control and bad attitude. Bad temper is a manifestation of selfishness, lack of self control and poor attitude. When we see bad temper being vented, it is a driving need in the other person to have his selfish way at any cost. He is not bothered about how his behavior is and how uncivil he is.
Anger is normal in life as we face situations of stress, anxiety, intense competition, driving desires, financial responsibilities, unrealistic expectations and frustrations. But venting our bad temper on others at the slightest provocation or throwing a tantrum just to get our own way is a sign of immaturity and inability to deal with the ups and downs of life. It is very essential for all of us- both adults and children, to learn how to deal with anger and frustrations in life and not vent out bad tempers on others. Else we cannot survive in this tense, violent and unpredictable world.
As adults we must first learn to deal with our anger and temper. This takes sincere effort and focused will and repeated self correction. It is far easier to vent frustrations on others than correct ourselves. Children learn from our behavior We teach them how to cope up with life and its frustrations and inexplicable twists and turns. When we are not able to set the right example, there is no point in blaming the children for their ugly behavior and short fuse temper.
Children should be taught to deal with frustration and bad temper from a very early age. Rage is triggered off by pushy competition and bullying at school too and the expectations of the teachers and parents. Some children have a shorter temper than others and are easily provoked. They get enraged quickly and unleash words and action which cause heavy damage to them and others. This destroys the peace of mind and relationships with all those involved. The effects of anger and bad temper are far more profound and deeper than physical wounds. The inner scars do not heal easily. We should realize this truth and help our children to understand it too. The story of the boy and the nails shows us how:
There was a little boy who was aggressive and had a bad temper. He would lose his cool easily and would hit out and scream ugly words. His father decided to teach him by practical lesson about the terrible effects of bad temper and the resultant scars that never heal. He gave him a bag of nails and asked him to hammer a nail every time he lost his temper, into a backside wooden wall of their home. On the first day, the boy hammered in 42 nails. Initially it was fun hammering in nails on the wall. But later on it became tiring and boring. So he learnt to control his temper.
Over the next few weeks, the number of nails he hammered in the wall reduced and then finally stopped. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive nails into the wooden wall. Then finally came the day when he did not lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father of his great feat. His father patted his head and appreciated him and gave him one more task. He had to pull out a nail for each day he managed to hold on to his temper. The days passed and finally the boy had pulled out all the nails from the wall. The father took the boy to the wall and said: You have done well. But look at the holes on our wall. Our wall is now damaged and our home will never be same again. When you say things in anger, you hurt and damage the other person. You leave scars in them like you have left holes here. You can apologize but the scars of the verbal wounds still remain. Pain caused by ugly words is worse than stabs by knife.
Anger management sessions, learning communication skills, psychotherapy and self control skills help in overcoming anger and bad temper. Relaxation techniques, mantra japa, meditation, exercises also help in overcoming bad temper. Let us do our SitaRam mantra, meditation and follow the teachings of the Guru. Then Divine Grace assists us in help overcoming anger and bad temper.
