We face many problems in life. One of them is frustrations in relationships. We do not know how to deal with it. Such frustration plays and replays itself in our mind day and night and does not allow us to live in peace or sleep at nights. They are a hindrance to our progress in material life and spiritual life. We cannot do mantra japa and meditation with so much frustration in our mind. We must all learn to deal with them in order to heal our relationships, improve our lives and enhance our spiritual life.
Frustration is a form of anger. Anger comes when people do not speak, act or perform as per our expectations. Frustration peaks when we don’t get the results we seek from people. We get frustrated with ourselves when we are unable to achieve, perform or behave as per our planning, forecast or desires. This is extremely annoying as it is a sign of failure. We plan and we execute meticulously and we do not get the expected results. We feel like failures. We lose our self esteem and self confidence. And this stirs up more anger and frustration in our lives.
In order to overcome frustration in relationships we must understand two things: the past cannot be changed or undone. And that people do not change.
So we must learn to let go of the past and not brood on what could have been there or done. We spend hours analysing the past. We blame ourselves or the other person for the pain of past or lack of results in past. But past is past. No amount of going over past is going to help anyone. It only increases our blood pressure and we indulge in endless arguments of what could have been done. Understand that NOTHING can be done about what is over. We can only learn lessons from past and move on. But past cannot be undone. The parents must not blame each other or the children or others in family for events of past. Let us accept the events of past and their consequences which have already happened and let go.
People do not change. We must learn and accept this harsh truth. We find it difficult to change ourselves. How can we expect others to change themselves? We must learn to change ourselves so that we are not hit by how the others behave or perform in life. The mother wants the child to be hard working, obedient, loving, smart and a topper in the school. The child wants the mother to yell less, speak more lovingly, cook his favourite foods and not chase him to do things that he does want not. The husband wants his wife to be calmer, cool, clean, polite and a better cook. The wife wants the husband to pick up after himself, not snore, earn more and carry the garbage. The lists of our expectations towards all members in the family are endless. We misuse our power and position and threaten others with dire consequences if they do not change. Emotional blackmail is another tool used to force others into wanted behavioural patterns. Using sex – I am Male and you must listen to me or I am female and I am weak and hence you must do the work; age – I am elder and you must obey me or I am younger and cannot do it; weeping, violence, threats and other means are used to corner others and enforce our wishes on them. Anything which is enforced in this way will never yield a positive result in the long run.
Having understood that past cannot be changed and people don’t change, let us make realistic goals in life. Once we accept people with their strengths and weaknesses, we will be able to assess the results in each situation in a much better manner. Learn to focus on the strengths of the person but protect your back against his weaknesses. And when there is a shortcoming in the result, we will be able to adjust and accept in a much more reasonable way rather than getting frustrated. When we make smaller and more realistic goals in behaviour and results while dealing with others, it leads to positive results on daily basis. When a successful behavioural pattern is established there is more peace, happiness and fulfilment in relationships. When we get thoughts of people, we must re-label them in our minds with more loving names and associations. Do not call your father “Hitler”. When you think of him call him “daddy’ with the same love you had when you were a child. Pray for his welfare. And you will find an improved mental connection with him. This will reflect ultimately in an improved relationship with him.
It is not easy to establish this change in yourself or in others. But you have some level of control over yourself. Do not allow frustration to control you, your thoughts, words or behaviour. Take control of your own life and do not allow anyone to force you or manipulate you into negative reactions. Have control over your thoughts and reactions and hold your personal power. You should think and decide what you want to think and feel.
When you do the SitaRam Mantra japa, the vibrations of the mantra will give you the necessary will power, understanding and ability to exercise self control. Even in extreme situations you will not lose your cool and react as you would normally. The SitaRam mantra vibrations place a protective covering around you and you will be not be affected by the anger vibrations of others. Then your reactions will be as you want it to be – of a spiritually evolved being.
