Anger is a part of us. We get angry when things do not go our way or when people do not react the way we want them to. All of us have to face frustration, hurt feelings and unhappiness in life and we react with anger. We also face opposition and criticism and we are unable to take them constructively. Then we react with irritation and anger. Anger is a natural expression when we feel violated, attacked or injured.
In itself, anger is neither good nor bad. It is simply an expression of emotions. We are frightened of anger as we are not taught to cope up with it in a constructive manner. Anger is a positive emotion which helps us to survive during times of stress. It gives us strength to fight back when attacked or when we face injustice or flee from the dangerous situation. We are generally scared of anger as it leashes out violent, unpredictable behaviour where we cause heavy damage to others and to ourselves. We become destructive and then we justify our terrible behaviour and take it out on a parade. We take pride in anger and vengeance.
When we were young and got angry, we were punished for it. The elders shouted at us and made us stand in the corner till we cooled down. No one taught us to deal with anger in the right way. So we learnt to suppress anger. Bottled up anger is destructive and affects our digestion, heart, blood pressure and immune system. Suppressed anger has negative effects physically and mentally. One of the best ways of facing anger is accepting that we are angry and replacing it with positive emotions of forgiveness, understanding, compassion and love. We learn not to suppress our anger but overcome and replace it with positive emotions which heal us and make us whole. The following story set in times of Buddha teaches us this important truth:
A young girl was a devout follower of Buddha. She followed and practiced his teachings in her daily life. She also used to prepare the alms food for Buddha and his monk followers. At the right age, she was married to a good man and went to her husband’s home to live. She was not happy in her new home as she spent all her time taking care of her husband’s home and his needs and had no time for doing service to Buddha. She complained to her father about it. Her father felt sorry for her and sent her some money. The girl consulted her husband for hiring a servant maid to help her with the household work and take care of her husband while she cooked food and served Buddha and his monks. The husband agreed and the girl hired a maidservant.
As days passed, the girl was busy and happy cooking food and serving Buddha. Once the husband passed by and seeing her busy smiled at her affectionately and went off. The maidservant became very angry at this loving behaviour of the husband. She forgot that she was only a servant hired to take care of the master and that she was not his wife. In a fit of rage and jealousy, she picked up a pot of hot boiling butter from the stove to pour over the wife. When the girl realised what the maid servant was about to do, she said: If there is only love in my heart for my maid servant and all mankind, and if I have no ill will towards my servant, let the butter not scald me. As the maid poured the boiling butter from the pot over her mistress, it rolled over off her body like drops of cold water. The other attendants in the room caught hold of the maid and started hitting her. But the girl ordered them to stop at once. The maid realised her foolish behaviour and that she was in no position to be jealous of her mistress. She sought forgiveness from the girl.
Later when Buddha came to know of the happenings, he praised the girl for conquering anger by loving forgiveness. He also taught everyone that abuse should be overcome by non abuse, selfishness by generosity and lying by speaking the truth. The truths taught by Buddha are fundamental to all paths. Let us practise them along with our SitaRam Mantra Japa.
