Anger is an emotion which is difficult to control. We put up with so many irritations throughout the day and suddenly a small seemingly unimportant thing triggers off a gigantic attack of anger. For most of us, anger is an accumulation of stress. Stress comes from everywhere around us. The alarm rings and we hit the snooze button and are late. We are rushed and don’t eat breakfast. The traffic jam and the slow reacting drivers in front of us and the over reactive drivers behind us; the raised brows at the office, the hurried reports, the disrespect we have to put up from many... the list is endless. Then we blow up for the most trivial thing and we rave and rant and rage.
We all say that we do not choose to be angry. It just happens. But it is not so. Throughout the day small issues are reacting in our mind and gather momentum like a snow ball. Our perspective and thinking causes our reactions and our anger. A husband shouts at his wife on issues regarding disciplining the children. Was the issue disciplining? Or was it the feeling the husband had that his wife did not respect his opinions or care for him? Does not his partner have a right to her opinion and express them? We tend to have dialogues in our mind about what the other person is thinking and why he or she is reacting or speaking in a certain way. These dialogues stem from ego – our self esteem, pride, status, position etc. And when we feel that we are not respected, we get angry.
Do we really get angry for nothing? Not so. Our anger is caused by our mind – our thoughts, our beliefs, our expectations and our disappointments. When someone does something with which we are not happy or not satisfied, our anger distorts the situation and we get hurt. When a single thought of hurt comes in our mind, we react to it with another thought. Then a judgement is passed about another person or the situation. Then comes a long imaginary train of ifs and buts.... ‘ How dare he say that to me? I am going to say this to him when he says that to me... and then when he replies that way.. I will reply this way... ‘Our mind churns out thoughts and endless confusions within us. And the net result is a blast of anger and outpouring of words!
We need to train ourselves to watch our mind. When the mind starts reacting, we need to keep calm and not add to the outpourings of the mind. The mind is an expert at churning up dirt and mud. We are not able to see or understand things in the right way then and we get angry. So how can we not react in anger? Let us see the teachings of Buddha:
Once Buddha was walking with his followers and they passed by a lake. Buddha felt thirsty and asked one of his disciples to go fetch him some water. So they stopped there and the disciple went with a pot to the lake. When he reached it, he saw that the waters of the lake were muddied and turbid. Some women were washing clothes, a few were talking bath and a cart passed through the lake. The disciple did not wish to bring dirty water for Buddha and so he came back empty handed. He told Buddha: the water is muddy and not fit to drink. After half an hour, Buddha asked the same disciple to go and fetch some water to drink. The disciple went at once to the lake. This time he found that the water in the lake was clean and fit to drink. Most of the people had gone away and the water was still and clear. So he collected some water in the pot for Buddha. When Buddha looked at the water he said: See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be – and the mud and dirt settled by itself. And the water became clean. Your mind is also like that. When it is disturbed, just leave it alone. Give it a little time. It will settle down by itself. You don’t have to exert to calm it down. It will happen by itself.
We must learn to watch our mind. When it reacts, we must let it be. We must not react and feed the mind with negative answers. We can watch the mind and let it get still or we can do the SitaRam Mantra and allow the vibrations to soothe the mind and let it get still. When there is a gap between our angry thoughts and our actions, we have choice of response to the situation. Then we can lessen our anger or overcome it.
